A 6X3 iron lady

Have it ever happened to you that you enter your professional world and you have nothing to do except laze away time and watch the clock tick the time you can get off.
Well it happens with me. Perhaps not always but sometime.

As the dusk overshadowed the streets of the city, the hustling and bustling of the city life can be heard back towards their sleepy caves.
A day has ended- a day full of work, surprises, happiness, sadness, tears, joy, money, experience, tea, coffee, coffee again, lunch, coffee, horlicks, meetings, conference, phone calls, voices, dustbin, chair, prisoner.

My car was racing the snail race against the procession of the office returns - the end of a football match, where you run the whole time and then retire at the end. But i suppose, this went too longer than 90 minutes.

"Sir, ghar aa gaya"
This so called air conditioned snail paced moving cars has choked me. I wish i could run in the valley once.
"Sir...."
"Oh yes......yes...thanks bhaiya"

I slogged down towards my so called residence- a 6X3 iron bed.

While i was small, i was fascinated by this iron beds. Those small ones you could see in a government hospital wards where your legs could hardly cuddle in unless you are lucky to be a dwarf size. Patients cuddling into one, crying in pain, spilling blood, beeping sounds, saline bottles, slippery floors, and the smell of dettol, shrieks of pains, tears of losses....all spilled over.

I was lost as i gazed into my 6X3 bed- the iron bed. It seemed good, it is with her I sleep every night. She is hard, she is cold, she is small, yet i try to get myself within it. Sleepless nights or a beautiful dream- she remains the silent spectator to my life. She peeks into my laptop, she slowly sucks away my tears, she resist my anger- she is silent. Why can't she speak?

Sometimes i feel this world has too much to give. Pain , remorse, grief, suffering. But this lucky lady, she is born with a different luck. She is my bed ,perhaps for not so long. At least she is better than a government hospital.

.......IS SHE?

Understand ?!!?

Seldom do i hear these words, " you don't understand me.."
"why just you don't understand situations?"
"Have you ever tried to understand me?"
" You don't really understand"
"No one understand me"......
I say hell yes, why should everyone try to understand you and why should you be understood by each and everyone. I mean you are not a symmetric living being on this planet who share the mental space among the millions living here and you blame your self again and again saying no-one wver tried to understand you, and no one understand you.
ha ha ha.......nice joke dear...you wish that understanding is a commodity in the market, pick it up from a fancy store and make the other fool in front of you understand , well yeah that's a piece of shit i have never seen in ages. I mean understanding cannot be this and in such situation you are living where you think people exactly understand you, you are probably wrong or maybe masking yourself.

After all you are not meant to be understandable by anyone. See what happens in your life...you think someone understand you better, you fall in love, try to share happiness, joy, and feel " hell yeah, who says all the crap of understanding" and then get along together in the journey of life. Then suddenly one fine morning all the virtual layer of understanding you have build up crackles down like a mirror on the wall and all the understanding just vaporizes. Now you say no one ever tried to understand me, or no one understand me.

Wake up.....and look. Did your parents tried to understand you, did someone you loved the most ever tried to understand you, did YOU really tried to understand what you are doing, and what you want to do?
The answer is simple and let it lie with you because i dont want to understand anymore. All i know you are meant only to do things and if the things you do have some implications, understanding will follow. In the world full of emotions driving us away this little thing called understanding gets blamed every time.And all i see him is weeping under the tree of hope. Hope consoling him that someday you will gain peace my dear understanding...soemday.

Don;t try to understand, don;t ever expect someone to understand you. Start believing instead and water the tree of hope. Because everytime our understanding weeps in it's lap, it gets warmth.

Create it..... Understanding will understand someday .

An equation

I was staring out the lousy Sunday morning window that just woke up from sleep. A songbird was singing in the beautiful raga of a morning tune over the slushy green bamboo trees that was playing hide and seek with the rising touch of the golden sun. Engrossed in a world far beyond where my presence actually ought to be, a world of songbird, the black sparrow and the humming pigeons over the gray steps. Suddenly i was brought back to me reality to a shout of some chemical equations and formulas going on. A old man of a good chemistry has devoted his life in a subject far beyond my fragments of imagination and my understanding. A series of chemical formulas that has nothing to do with the sparrow or the sleeping window. I realized that learning chemistry was of more importance than understanding what you want to , a feeling that drives you to learn what you are supposed to. As i tried to scratch out some formulas trying hard to create a balance of all those metals and organic existence, i never realized these equations had a meaning in them and every time , i used to form them out, i could hear a laughter, a mockery. A equation that is far beyond the limits of a small subject called chemistry but an equation that defines an existence. A realization that was still beyond my understanding but as years passed by, the sunday morning bangs me hard again and again and the echoes of that chemistry teacher still rings on my ears. A equation that gives you something , balances something and then what....nothing?

Transformed through time in a moment far away, i lie here basking in the sun of a same sunday afternoon. A mental state full of confusion, a life full of emotions , feelings, complications and the big question mark like that of the seven stars in the sky? The chilled winter breeze was blowing through my hairs and the warmth of the sun, covering me, I realized the meaning of those equation. Perhaps balancing an equation of your life requires something beyond chemistry and that understanding just shook me. An equation of life, love, feelings, sadness, pain, existence, death everything seems to move on in a randomly created periodic table. And sometimes there are equations which are random, cannot be stopped. Once initiated they just moves on to the other part and cannot be controlled. And sometimes these things called catalyst just adds up to the rate. The sheer meaning of equilibrium is winding up my mind as all those Ph values that captured the very acidic and basic sense of my life mixed with one another. A negative logarithmic of my life's existence that was a dependent behavior of love can eject out something? What it is......

Two drops of salty tears, a sudden cry of mankind, a pinch of fear and the a cup of sweetness of love mixed together gives you what?..........
I am still trying to bring out the equation, the end product, a balance........or perhaps that sleppy sunday window and the sparrow will help me to